Monthly Archives: May 2014

#Suicide #Survival

‘The most articulate writer I have ever come across regarding emotion particularly depression. This might be helpful if you suffer from depression or if you know someone who does it will help you understand.’ This is what I wrote on FB.

I so appreciate your posts especially when feeling so isolated and desperate. You put into words exactly how I feel and I thank you for it. What you are doing is so very important and potentially life saving, you should feel very proud of what you accomplish and your amazing writing skills.

The Bipolar Bum

didntwanttodieorlive

It is the nature of the beast that when we become truly overwhelmed by depression, we begin to look for ways of stopping the pain.  We become prepared to take decisive, extreme action.

The best way to think of depression is as though it is sentient, and actively trying to subvert your thought patterns to destroy you.  Most things that feel counter-intuitive whilst depressed are usually better courses of action than the one’s that your depression will offer you.  It does not want you to behave in a way that will destroy it.

At first, the idea of self-destruction presents itself as one solution among many.  The thought for me is almost casual and I used to just ignore it.  I now take it for the warning shot that it is.  If you’re having suicidal thoughts, take that as your early-warning-system sounding an alarm.  In the grip of depression all…

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I have no idea what I’m going to write today!

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This piece is called Childhood Traumas.  I’m feeling very depressed and so I wanted some work that I had created that would evince those strange feelings of disassociation and depersonalisation.  My mind is going in circles.  One minute feeling angry with others and the next angry with myself and not understanding at all why or what is happening inside my mind.  Here I sit, looking perfectly normal but certainly not feeling it.  If I wasn’t so tired I would paint my feelings in colour.  Perhaps I will create an abstract tomorrow.  At least it will be something to motivate me.  I don’t like to create dark work though, I have too much of it.  I feel very isolated.  Perhaps extreme emotions can be channelled and be taken advantage of.  It’s something that I can focus on at least.  I will post the piece I produce perhaps, but don’t expect it to be pretty!