That’s enough for now, it’s always difficult to know which ones to choose. If you like these have a look at my website http://www.larainbriggs.com You can win one of my paintings on the 18th April if you sign up for the newsletter. Doesn’t cost you anything and the painting is up for £520. At least worth a look. I’m trying to get some more people to visit my site, so please share if you do. Anyway, that’,s my bit of marketing for the day. I’d given up on that for a bit. All I want to do is create, really I need an agent or manager.
Well the last two days have been strange. How to write something quite complex without it getting boring, any tips would be very much appreciated. I will try and be concise. Yesterday morning I felt so ill and had such pain in my stomach I couldn’t get out of bed and asked my son Jacob to get me some Pethedine. I’d forgotten that I’d recently had a morphine patch and added another antidepressant to my others. I’d been warned about ‘Seratonin Syndrome’ by the psychiatrist and was feeling incredibly ill. The stomach pain went away but I could hardly walk, my head was spinning. If anyone had seen me they would have thought that I’d drunk a bottle of vodka, plus! I couldn’t speak without slurring and I was sweating and extremely hot. Eventually I phoned the doctor. He said he didn’t think I had Seratonin Syndrome which by now I had fixated on in my confused and drunken like, drugged up state. He was concerned about the drugs I’d taken and said I must see my GP next day. Well today I thought I was feeling better but thought I’d check my pulse, it was 46 bpm :O !!!!! My breathing seemed to be about 8 bpm. Now, not fixated on seratonin syndrome but rather on death I phoned my doctor in a panic. The receptionist said she’d get the doctor to phone me. By now I was checking my pulse every 5 mins just to check I wasn’t dead. The dr phoned eventually and said get up here now for ECG. Well apparently it is very low, still is and I’m not well but all caused by the cocktail of medication I’m on. Oh, the fun of having bi-polar disorder as well as physical problems. Whilst there is breath left in me (if only 8 intakes per minute) I will continue to paint. I will also make sure I make it to my first grandchild’s birth in October and hopefully well beyond once I have the divorce court stress over with. I’m now with the mental health crisis team (no wonder). Life is so complex I can’t even explain it all but if anyone is a little curious about any of these issues I’d be glad to elucidate. Here’s hoping I haven’t been boring and that you have enoyed my art. Thanks for reading. There’s always so much more that I want to read than I can find time for so I do feel very privileged when anyone reads mine.
I’m not sure what I’m going to write today but I thought I’d just put my fingers on the keys and let them do their own thing. I used to be a touch typist so it makes it easy to just type as I think. The trouble is I don’t know what I’m thinking exactly, I don’t want anything too negative and it’s all heading that way. I’m so tired all the time and was hoping it was my thyroxine levels are just low which would be easy to remedy but unfortunately they aren’t. I just want to keep sleeping. I feel like it’s wasting my life. Maybe with a bit of luck I’ll have a high very soon and be twice as busy as usual.
Here’s a little personal history, just to get it down in writing for once. When I was 27 I moved to London to take my degree in fine art at Camberwell. I’d already started growing dreadlocks and was moved by Reggae music and the Rasta ideals. I’d been a Christian all my life but wasn’t keen on church doctrine, this seemed to suit me. I’d previously been a punk, clubbing in London and actually had dreadlock extensions. The club I went to mostly was Astral Flight at Fooberts, with Tracey my friend. I had a relationship with the DJ there ‘Wolf’. He was friends with Mick Jones and Joe Strummer from the Clash although I think by then Mick Jones was in Big Audio Dynamite. I wasn’t really into the celeb thing, never was and still am not so I didn’t really pay that much attention. I loved the DJing that Wolf did though and have tried to get in touch with him just to find out what he’s doing now but haven’t been able to. The Bat Cave was also run at Fooberts on the Wednesday, it was all part of the same crowd. Phil Salon, who ran Heaven, Rusty Eagon who produced music and DJayed at the Camden Palace etc. The Kit Kat club, quite a few I’m not sure where I was. We’d party the whole Saturday night and then all go on to someone’s flat, squat or a cafe. In some ways it was a good time but in others confusing. This was all before I started my degree or any of my formal art education, although at 14 I’d already had a painting in a gallery window display. so art was part of my life all the way through. I loved to dance to ‘White Wedding’ by Billy Idol the best and ‘Relax’, Frankie Goes to Hollywood but also loved hip hop, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five etc. I hadn’t been diagnosed with bi-polar at the time and I had little self awareness, there are lots of things I regret about this time. I just couldn’t seem to have a decent relationship and nothing really had any meaning. I had no direction. That would all change though but it took some time and I’m still not there.
I’d better stop there for now as it all gets complicated and is rather long. I haven’t even got to London yet, this was when I would commute at the weekends from Gravesend in Kent where I grew up. I’ll write another installment when I get the feeling I want to divulge although it all gets rather emotional, as life does I guess. Perhaps if I keep these all together I can create a biography from them but it always worries me how it might make my relatives sad or shocked. Having bi-polar has a very intense effect on life. More to follow……